Custody Battle Hell

I haven’t written in quite some time because I am living in Custody Battle Hell right now.  As many of you know I have been in the process of getting a divorce from my Narcissist Husband for over a year now.  It has been emotionally exhausting on me, but even worse on our three children.  Being married to a narcissist is tough, divorcing one is worse.

In April of 2012 him and the mistress tried to kidnap my children.  Telling me it was best for the children to only see me on the weekends.  Ha.  This is a man who has never changed a diaper, fed a child, gave a child a bath, showed up at their sports games, never helped with homework, etc.  I called the police but there was nothing they could do since there was no court ordered custody agreement.  I was allowing him to visit with the kids on Tuesdays and Sundays at the time.  So please everyone listen to me if you ever find yourself in this horrible place, DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN VISIT UNLESS THERE IS A COURT ORDERED CUSTODY AGREEMENT IN PLACE.  They brought the children back to me Friday for what XN and Nstress were calling my “visit” and here they stayed, until I could get a court date.

In May he called the children’s school telling them I live outside the school district.  (Yes I do since he moved the mistress in leaving me and our three children homeless).  The school told me if he did not have “residential custody” I would have to sign the kids out with only 7 weeks left.  He knew this would put me into a frenzy.  He knew I would not allow my children to go to school in the district I was living.  (There are gangs, drugs, you name it.)  They have already been through so much.  So I thought it was in the kids best interest to make him residential until I could get back into the district.  I never dreamed he would even want to see them 50% of the time.  MY BIGGEST MISTAKE YET.  What no one told me was that if he were residential on paper, he may not have to pay any child support.  He owns a successful business and I was a stay at home mom for the past thirteen years.  He was the sole financial provider for our family.  And that’s the way he wanted it.  So we have joint/shared custody.  Although he rarely sees them the 50% of the time if ever.  He pays for nothing for those kids.  He is trying to get me terminated from the welfare program I’m in so he can say I cannot provide for my kids.  Although at the moment I am the ONLY parent who provides anything.  Through this program my children have health insurance and baby girl’s pre-school is subsidized.  We get food stamps, the only food that feeds the children.  And we get a very little amount of cash assistance, breaks down to $20 a week per person.  I am enrolled in a work program to help me gain skills to become employable.  I intern every day from 8-3 with the hopes of becoming permanent.

We have been to mediation three times.  All three times he agrees to what the mediator suggests and then a day or two after he has his lawyer write-up that “there were no meeting of the minds”.  “His client never agreed to this that and the other”.  So now it goes in front of the judge.  I am trying my hardest to get into the school district, but it is very hard since I am not working and every dollar I do get goes to the children’s daily needs.  I need prayers positive thoughts and hope.  I am so glad to have found some great wonderful women in my shoes.  My children cry and beg not to go, they are having serious issues because of being bounced around and used as pawns in his game.  He is an abusive man, I have tried to shield the kids from him for so long.  Now they are put in harm’s way.  I never dreamed any of this would happen to us as he has had zero interest in the children our entire marriage.  But here we are, narcissists are incapable of co-parenting.  They are manipulative and cunning, I’m dealing with two of them.  They will stop at nothing to try to hurt me and the only way they can do this is through my children.

This is the same man who used to boast what an amazing mother I was to anyone who would listen.  He would say, “I could never do what she does”.  He would say the reason for his adultery was because I had too much attention for the kids and not enough for him.  It’s also the same man who has wrapped his hands around my neck many times.  Telling me he just wishes he could kill me.  A man who has broken many pieces of furniture in a rage.  A man who slaps the kids when they are simply trying to speak.  These are the reasons I left him, I wanted my children to have a chance at normalcy.  Now they are forced to spend more time with him then they had in their entire life.

If you think this problem is just mine you are sadly mistaken.  Family Courts all over the country are making decisions without a care in the world for the children involved.  NPD is real and it is dangerous.  50-50 parenting may work for two healthy parents, but is absolutely ridiculous when one of the parents is abusive.  It is not about mom vs dad but healthy parent vs sick parent.  This 50-50 deal should not be able to be used to simply get out of financial responsibility for the children.  What are your thoughts?


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Paula
    Oct 02, 2013 @ 04:14:29

    You are in desperate need of a better lawyer! Is there any way that you can find one that will do this pro bono. Or is there legal aid where you live? I am sending you positive thoughts and lots of prayers


  2. Tattoomommie
    Oct 02, 2013 @ 12:57:21

    Thank you Paula, I’ve tried everything, no lawyers willing to do it pro bono legal aid just helps file the paperwork. I have educated myself a lot on family law this past year. I know the mistakes I made, at the time I really believed everyone wanted what was best for the kids. Now I see there is a pattern to follow, the truth is not always enough. I have absolutely no financial resources available to me. I have a friend who is trying to help me get back into to district. If I manage that before court I have a good chance of getting residential back as it is stated in our order that he has it for educational purposes. Trying to stay focused, organized and calm.


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