Dating a SINGLE Dad, Thoughts to Ponder


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I remember back in my prime, before meeting my (soon to be EX) husband saying “I will never date a man with a child”.  I meant it, if I was even remotely attracted to a man and after talking, I found out he had a child, a huge STOP sign would appear before my eyes.  Poof, just like that, no longer attractive to me.  I always figured, where there’s a child, standing closely behind is that baby’s mother.  Never wanted to deal with that.  I also did not want to be number 2 or possibly 3 in any relationship.  That was then, fast forward twelve years, one failed marriage, and three lovely children of my own later, my thoughts have changed.

When I say my thoughts have changed, I’m only suggesting this if you already have children of your own.  If you are childless and dating, I still feel a childless man would be best.  Not that it’s impossible to have a relationship with a man with children, but it’s a lot more challenging.  And if you’re the type of person who needs to be number 1, forget it.  Why would any woman want a man who puts their kids on the backburner?  If they are a good man, they are still providing for their kids, so you can forget last minute romantic getaways, expensive dinners and uninterrupted time.
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I now realize if I were to try to date a man without children, he would constantly be disappointed.  Many times both myself and the kids think they are going to be spending the night with their dad, and “something comes up”.  Usually when we have something fun planned.  A man without children would get sick and tired of this, I know I do.  Kids get sick, babysitters cancel, and I need a man who is secure knowing he’s number 4 in my life.  A man who deals with the same struggles of co-parenting or lack of co parenting. I like the fact that he already knows how to act around kids, no need to train him.  I love that when our date nights don’t go as planned, Chuckie Cheese is a perfect alternative.  Being that both of our schedules are jammed packed with children’s activities, we don’t get to spend too much time alone.  Therefore, when we do get alone time,  it is exciting and fun.  We appreciate each other and both know how hard it is to be the primary parent.  We can both talk about our kids without being annoying.  On top of all those pros, a man who is a great father is a huge turn-on.

So there you have it, the reasons you should date a man with a child.  Now please don’t take this the wrong way!  Do not date a married man with children!  (No matter how horrible his wife at home is ;))  If he doesn’t have a job, yet has a child, not a good sign.  I’m not telling you to find a man who has kids but does not support them financially and emotionally.  Because ladies, listen carefully, if he doesn’t support his children he is not a good person trust me on this one.  He certainly won’t be contributing much to you or your relationship.  There are a handful of really good single dads out there.  When you find one, grab him.  You may just find you have a lot in common.  If it gets serious, your kids can enjoy each other, and you never know you might just end up in a “Brady Bunch” type of situation.  Please share your dating experiences, the good, the bad and the funny by commenting below.
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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. frankiedman
    Feb 13, 2013 @ 01:54:06

    I as a man used to have the same thoughts. Fast forwarding to now, it’s a whole other ball game!! I can relate to everything you mentioned. I’m happy to see I’m not the only one out their lol Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!

    Reply

  2. bretagnebk
    Feb 13, 2013 @ 05:43:59

    I totally hear your perspective. As a woman who WAS single and married a single father with a son I say RUN as fast as you can AWAY! Just because a man is a good father it does not make him a good husband. If the man has a child and he is involved, that is a GREAT sign. If his child is number 1 accept if you plan on dating him that you will never be number 1. I now realize why God said not to have children out of wedlock…it throws the order of a relationship and functioning household off. Then one is left with debating and rationalizing which is the best way to approach.

    Your situations sounds wonderful…mine…not so much….

    Reply

    • Tattoomommie
      Feb 13, 2013 @ 15:44:43

      Did you have a child of your own already? If not, I totally accept that. I stated that if you’re childless you should find a childless man as well. I know that when I was childless, I would not have been able to be in a relationship with a man with a child. Being a mother now, there is no way I could make a man the top priority in my life, that’s why I’m glad I found someone who is my number 4. Something my soon to be ex-husband could never grasp. So being married before children really didn’t help much in my previous relationship. I think whatever stage you are at in life funding someone who accepts you completely as you are is key. Good Luck!

      Reply

      • bretagnebk
        Feb 15, 2013 @ 06:48:54

        No I do not have a child…if I only knew then what I know now…before I said, “I do”

      • Tattoomommie
        Feb 15, 2013 @ 14:35:37

        Ahhh, I think I’ve gotten it all figured out, lol better late than never!

      • bretagnebk
        Feb 15, 2013 @ 18:13:39

        Yeah, he (my husbands son) is WONDERFUL….its my husband I have the problem with. Whenever I suggest we all do something together he just shrugs it off and pretty much wants to do things with his son without me. Im the third wheel and they are the item. I am afraid to have children with him because I won’t be as important as they are…at least that was part of his mothers reason for leaving…

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