Narcissists Use Bait & Switch Maneuvers

Narcissists Use Bait & Switch Maneuvers.

Custody Battle Hell

I haven’t written in quite some time because I am living in Custody Battle Hell right now.  As many of you know I have been in the process of getting a divorce from my Narcissist Husband for over a year now.  It has been emotionally exhausting on me, but even worse on our three children.  Being married to a narcissist is tough, divorcing one is worse.

In April of 2012 him and the mistress tried to kidnap my children.  Telling me it was best for the children to only see me on the weekends.  Ha.  This is a man who has never changed a diaper, fed a child, gave a child a bath, showed up at their sports games, never helped with homework, etc.  I called the police but there was nothing they could do since there was no court ordered custody agreement.  I was allowing him to visit with the kids on Tuesdays and Sundays at the time.  So please everyone listen to me if you ever find yourself in this horrible place, DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN VISIT UNLESS THERE IS A COURT ORDERED CUSTODY AGREEMENT IN PLACE.  They brought the children back to me Friday for what XN and Nstress were calling my “visit” and here they stayed, until I could get a court date.

In May he called the children’s school telling them I live outside the school district.  (Yes I do since he moved the mistress in leaving me and our three children homeless).  The school told me if he did not have “residential custody” I would have to sign the kids out with only 7 weeks left.  He knew this would put me into a frenzy.  He knew I would not allow my children to go to school in the district I was living.  (There are gangs, drugs, you name it.)  They have already been through so much.  So I thought it was in the kids best interest to make him residential until I could get back into the district.  I never dreamed he would even want to see them 50% of the time.  MY BIGGEST MISTAKE YET.  What no one told me was that if he were residential on paper, he may not have to pay any child support.  He owns a successful business and I was a stay at home mom for the past thirteen years.  He was the sole financial provider for our family.  And that’s the way he wanted it.  So we have joint/shared custody.  Although he rarely sees them the 50% of the time if ever.  He pays for nothing for those kids.  He is trying to get me terminated from the welfare program I’m in so he can say I cannot provide for my kids.  Although at the moment I am the ONLY parent who provides anything.  Through this program my children have health insurance and baby girl’s pre-school is subsidized.  We get food stamps, the only food that feeds the children.  And we get a very little amount of cash assistance, breaks down to $20 a week per person.  I am enrolled in a work program to help me gain skills to become employable.  I intern every day from 8-3 with the hopes of becoming permanent.

We have been to mediation three times.  All three times he agrees to what the mediator suggests and then a day or two after he has his lawyer write-up that “there were no meeting of the minds”.  “His client never agreed to this that and the other”.  So now it goes in front of the judge.  I am trying my hardest to get into the school district, but it is very hard since I am not working and every dollar I do get goes to the children’s daily needs.  I need prayers positive thoughts and hope.  I am so glad to have found some great wonderful women in my shoes.  My children cry and beg not to go, they are having serious issues because of being bounced around and used as pawns in his game.  He is an abusive man, I have tried to shield the kids from him for so long.  Now they are put in harm’s way.  I never dreamed any of this would happen to us as he has had zero interest in the children our entire marriage.  But here we are, narcissists are incapable of co-parenting.  They are manipulative and cunning, I’m dealing with two of them.  They will stop at nothing to try to hurt me and the only way they can do this is through my children.

This is the same man who used to boast what an amazing mother I was to anyone who would listen.  He would say, “I could never do what she does”.  He would say the reason for his adultery was because I had too much attention for the kids and not enough for him.  It’s also the same man who has wrapped his hands around my neck many times.  Telling me he just wishes he could kill me.  A man who has broken many pieces of furniture in a rage.  A man who slaps the kids when they are simply trying to speak.  These are the reasons I left him, I wanted my children to have a chance at normalcy.  Now they are forced to spend more time with him then they had in their entire life.

If you think this problem is just mine you are sadly mistaken.  Family Courts all over the country are making decisions without a care in the world for the children involved.  NPD is real and it is dangerous.  50-50 parenting may work for two healthy parents, but is absolutely ridiculous when one of the parents is abusive.  It is not about mom vs dad but healthy parent vs sick parent.  This 50-50 deal should not be able to be used to simply get out of financial responsibility for the children.  What are your thoughts?

Ten Embarrassing Quirks About Me

We all have them, embarrassing little quirks that while may not be socially acceptable, are a part of our every day lives. I’ve decided to share mine in an attempt to make you all feel better about yourselves.

1.  I always buy an extra box of Peanut Butter Tastey Kakes when grocery shopping.  I then proceeded to hide them from the children.  Once I finish my stash, I usually eat the rest of their box as well.  I also lecture the kids about the importance of choosing healthy snacks, with a straight face.

2.  I procrastinate.  I am fully aware that doing a little each day is the smart way to complete any task.  However, I will wait until the last possible second to do everything.  I then yell out how I wish there were more hours in a day.  More hours to procrastinate that is.

3.  I’m silly.  I often burst out into song and dance throughout the day.  I’m not good at either.  But even the baby laughs, so I must be doing something right.

4.  I refuse to sort socks.  I sometimes wear socks that don’t match, as do my kids.  I see nothing wrong with this.

5.  I hate homework.  I hated it when I was in school and I hate it even more now that I have school aged children.  I feel like our evenings are consumed by it.  And since I teach my kids that it is bad to procrastinate it’s the one area I cannot procrastinate.  I hate being such a good role model.

6.  I love naps.  Not that I ever actually get them, but I often daydream about what it would be like to get a nap in every day! Pure heaven.

7.  I have un-managed Adult ADHD.  Yea embarrassing.  I plan on getting help with it just as soon as I find a home, job, ect.

8. I do not eat condiments (except ketchup) no mayo, mustard, salad dressing, dip. I know really strange. Thankfully none of my kids have inherited picky eating. Don’t you just hate that?

9. When I had a car, I would sneak through the Drive through before picking my kids up from school. Dollar menu baby. My kids do not eat that poison…but mom sure likes it!

10. The last embarrassing thing about me, which I have just learned while writing this list, I’m a huge hypocrite! Sorry, I just want what we all want, better for my kids.

Now who wants to make me feel better about myself? Please share your embarrassing quirks below.

Samsung Chromebook|Review and Giveaway

 

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I wanted to get my loved one something nice, but cheap, since I am pretty much broke.  I was thrilled to see an e-mail from Restaurant.com in my inbox that read: $10 Restaurant.com Gift Certificates for $1.60!  I can do that.  It may not seem like much but hey we do like to go out to eat.  This will take some of the weight off of him for a change.  I splurged for the $25 Gift Certificate for $4.  And I’m also gonna make some chocolate covered strawberries for dessert!

Head on over to Restaurant.com use the promotional code  love at checkout!  If you don’t have a Valentine this year get one for yourself.  We all gotta eat, right?

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Dating a SINGLE Dad, Thoughts to Ponder

I remember back in my prime, before meeting my (soon to be EX) husband saying “I will never date a man with a child”.  I meant it, if I was even remotely attracted to a man and after talking, I found out he had a child, a huge STOP sign would appear before my eyes.  Poof, just like that, no longer attractive to me.  I always figured, where there’s a child, standing closely behind is that baby’s mother.  Never wanted to deal with that.  I also did not want to be number 2 or possibly 3 in any relationship.  That was then, fast forward twelve years, one failed marriage, and three lovely children of my own later, my thoughts have changed.

When I say my thoughts have changed, I’m only suggesting this if you already have children of your own.  If you are childless and dating, I still feel a childless man would be best.  Not that it’s impossible to have a relationship with a man with children, but it’s a lot more challenging.  And if you’re the type of person who needs to be number 1, forget it.  Why would any woman want a man who puts their kids on the backburner?  If they are a good man, they are still providing for their kids, so you can forget last minute romantic getaways, expensive dinners and uninterrupted time.

I now realize if I were to try to date a man without children, he would constantly be disappointed.  Many times both myself and the kids think they are going to be spending the night with their dad, and “something comes up”.  Usually when we have something fun planned.  A man without children would get sick and tired of this, I know I do.  Kids get sick, babysitters cancel, and I need a man who is secure knowing he’s number 4 in my life.  A man who deals with the same struggles of co-parenting or lack of co parenting. I like the fact that he already knows how to act around kids, no need to train him.  I love that when our date nights don’t go as planned, Chuckie Cheese is a perfect alternative.  Being that both of our schedules are jammed packed with children’s activities, we don’t get to spend too much time alone.  Therefore, when we do get alone time,  it is exciting and fun.  We appreciate each other and both know how hard it is to be the primary parent.  We can both talk about our kids without being annoying.  On top of all those pros, a man who is a great father is a huge turn-on.

So there you have it, the reasons you should date a man with a child.  Now please don’t take this the wrong way!  Do not date a married man with children!  (No matter how horrible his wife at home is ;))  If he doesn’t have a job, yet has a child, not a good sign.  I’m not telling you to find a man who has kids but does not support them financially and emotionally.  Because ladies, listen carefully, if he doesn’t support his children he is not a good person trust me on this one.  He certainly won’t be contributing much to you or your relationship.  There are a handful of really good single dads out there.  When you find one, grab him.  You may just find you have a lot in common.  If it gets serious, your kids can enjoy each other, and you never know you might just end up in a “Brady Bunch” type of situation.  Please share your dating experiences, the good, the bad and the funny by commenting below.