A Narcissist’s Love Letter

Still asking yourself why? Here is a great description of a Narcissist’s “love”. And to “Nstress” you may want to read this one, don’t ever say I didn’t warn you. Hugs!

Thought Catalog

When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I love the way I feel when I’m with you. I love myself through you. I love seeing myself through your eyes. I love seeing myself through my eyes imagining how I look through your eyes. I love having someone new to tell my stories to, to express my opinions, and to share my profound theories and beliefs about the important things in life. I love hearing myself say these things as I imagine how they sound to you, and how enthralled with me I imagine you are.

When I say I’m in love with you, I love having someone beautiful to wear, like a new outfit. I love the way you feel on me. I love the way I feel about me when you are with me.

When I say I’m in love with you, I love not being…

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What It’s Like to Be Narcissistic

If you’re still learning about NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) this is a great place to start. This is what I’m dealing with times 2 on a daily basis. I left my abusive sham of a marriage to shield my children from the abuse. Sadly now they are forced to spend more time then they’ve ever had to with him. Paying our next court date at the end of November, rules in the best interest of our children. Praying the judge will at the very least consider the documentation I have compiled over this past year and a half. What started out as me believing that a father of three should bear some financial responsibility for the three children he helped create has only allowed him to bear no responsibility but rather use them as pawns. I wish I never filed, it wasn’t until then did this sudden interest in custody begin. If I had it to do over again…

After Narcissistic Abuse

NarcissusCropped2Imagine a game of Golf or other sport and having the best day of your career. You feel great, but the mental wall between confidence and fear is thin as tissue paper. Everything is riding on the next shot, and then the one after that. For narcissists the game encompasses their whole world, and it is NEVER over.

Imagine the pressure should the only meaningful goal in your life be proving that you are something more than human. A narcissist’s greatest fear is of being ordinary and thus, ignored. They are incapable of being connected to anything or anyone larger than themselves, because in their world, THERE IS NOTHING LARGER.

Beyond their frenetic attempts to prove the improvable lies only a dark, unexplored void. You might be tempted to think of them as tragic figures if they weren’t so dangerous and thoroughly obnoxious.

On one hand, narcissists may be extremely intelligent…

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Narcissists Use Bait & Switch Maneuvers

Narcissists Use Bait & Switch Maneuvers.

Custody Battle Hell

I haven’t written in quite some time because I am living in Custody Battle Hell right now.  As many of you know I have been in the process of getting a divorce from my Narcissist Husband for over a year now.  It has been emotionally exhausting on me, but even worse on our three children.  Being married to a narcissist is tough, divorcing one is worse.

In April of 2012 him and the mistress tried to kidnap my children.  Telling me it was best for the children to only see me on the weekends.  Ha.  This is a man who has never changed a diaper, fed a child, gave a child a bath, showed up at their sports games, never helped with homework, etc.  I called the police but there was nothing they could do since there was no court ordered custody agreement.  I was allowing him to visit with the kids on Tuesdays and Sundays at the time.  So please everyone listen to me if you ever find yourself in this horrible place, DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN VISIT UNLESS THERE IS A COURT ORDERED CUSTODY AGREEMENT IN PLACE.  They brought the children back to me Friday for what XN and Nstress were calling my “visit” and here they stayed, until I could get a court date.

In May he called the children’s school telling them I live outside the school district.  (Yes I do since he moved the mistress in leaving me and our three children homeless).  The school told me if he did not have “residential custody” I would have to sign the kids out with only 7 weeks left.  He knew this would put me into a frenzy.  He knew I would not allow my children to go to school in the district I was living.  (There are gangs, drugs, you name it.)  They have already been through so much.  So I thought it was in the kids best interest to make him residential until I could get back into the district.  I never dreamed he would even want to see them 50% of the time.  MY BIGGEST MISTAKE YET.  What no one told me was that if he were residential on paper, he may not have to pay any child support.  He owns a successful business and I was a stay at home mom for the past thirteen years.  He was the sole financial provider for our family.  And that’s the way he wanted it.  So we have joint/shared custody.  Although he rarely sees them the 50% of the time if ever.  He pays for nothing for those kids.  He is trying to get me terminated from the welfare program I’m in so he can say I cannot provide for my kids.  Although at the moment I am the ONLY parent who provides anything.  Through this program my children have health insurance and baby girl’s pre-school is subsidized.  We get food stamps, the only food that feeds the children.  And we get a very little amount of cash assistance, breaks down to $20 a week per person.  I am enrolled in a work program to help me gain skills to become employable.  I intern every day from 8-3 with the hopes of becoming permanent.

We have been to mediation three times.  All three times he agrees to what the mediator suggests and then a day or two after he has his lawyer write-up that “there were no meeting of the minds”.  “His client never agreed to this that and the other”.  So now it goes in front of the judge.  I am trying my hardest to get into the school district, but it is very hard since I am not working and every dollar I do get goes to the children’s daily needs.  I need prayers positive thoughts and hope.  I am so glad to have found some great wonderful women in my shoes.  My children cry and beg not to go, they are having serious issues because of being bounced around and used as pawns in his game.  He is an abusive man, I have tried to shield the kids from him for so long.  Now they are put in harm’s way.  I never dreamed any of this would happen to us as he has had zero interest in the children our entire marriage.  But here we are, narcissists are incapable of co-parenting.  They are manipulative and cunning, I’m dealing with two of them.  They will stop at nothing to try to hurt me and the only way they can do this is through my children.

This is the same man who used to boast what an amazing mother I was to anyone who would listen.  He would say, “I could never do what she does”.  He would say the reason for his adultery was because I had too much attention for the kids and not enough for him.  It’s also the same man who has wrapped his hands around my neck many times.  Telling me he just wishes he could kill me.  A man who has broken many pieces of furniture in a rage.  A man who slaps the kids when they are simply trying to speak.  These are the reasons I left him, I wanted my children to have a chance at normalcy.  Now they are forced to spend more time with him then they had in their entire life.

If you think this problem is just mine you are sadly mistaken.  Family Courts all over the country are making decisions without a care in the world for the children involved.  NPD is real and it is dangerous.  50-50 parenting may work for two healthy parents, but is absolutely ridiculous when one of the parents is abusive.  It is not about mom vs dad but healthy parent vs sick parent.  This 50-50 deal should not be able to be used to simply get out of financial responsibility for the children.  What are your thoughts?

Ten Embarrassing Quirks About Me

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We all have them, embarrassing little quirks that while may not be socially acceptable, are a part of our every day lives. I’ve decided to share mine in an attempt to make you all feel better about yourselves.

1.  I always buy an extra box of Peanut Butter Tastey Kakes when grocery shopping.  I then proceeded to hide them from the children.  Once I finish my stash, I usually eat the rest of their box as well.  I also lecture the kids about the importance of choosing healthy snacks, with a straight face.

2.  I procrastinate.  I am fully aware that doing a little each day is the smart way to complete any task.  However, I will wait until the last possible second to do everything.  I then yell out how I wish there were more hours in a day.  More hours to procrastinate that is.

3.  I’m silly.  I often burst out into song and dance throughout the day.  I’m not good at either.  But even the baby laughs, so I must be doing something right.

4.  I refuse to sort socks.  I sometimes wear socks that don’t match, as do my kids.  I see nothing wrong with this.

5.  I hate homework.  I hated it when I was in school and I hate it even more now that I have school aged children.  I feel like our evenings are consumed by it.  And since I teach my kids that it is bad to procrastinate it’s the one area I cannot procrastinate.  I hate being such a good role model.

6.  I love naps.  Not that I ever actually get them, but I often daydream about what it would be like to get a nap in every day! Pure heaven.

7.  I have un-managed Adult ADHD.  Yea embarrassing.  I plan on getting help with it just as soon as I find a home, job, ect.

8. I do not eat condiments (except ketchup) no mayo, mustard, salad dressing, dip. I know really strange. Thankfully none of my kids have inherited picky eating. Don’t you just hate that?

9. When I had a car, I would sneak through the Drive through before picking my kids up from school. Dollar menu baby. My kids do not eat that poison…but mom sure likes it!

10. The last embarrassing thing about me, which I have just learned while writing this list, I’m a huge hypocrite! Sorry, I just want what we all want, better for my kids.

Now who wants to make me feel better about myself? Please share your embarrassing quirks below.

Samsung Chromebook|Review and Giveaway

 
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